I'm A Legit Mess
Alright, I’m here to officially tell the world - I’m a hot mess. Like, buckling up for a lifetime ride. I was getting ready to write a post about “having it all” or “balancing life” and with the recent occurrences in my life, I was bs-ing the entire thing. Mainly, well - because I’m a mess.
Don’t get me wrong, there are days when I look at myself in the mirror and give myself a thumbs up and go “killing it”. But, these last few months have not been the case. Yes, ladies and gentlemen…a few months. If you know me, this has been a hard pill to swallow. But, what I’ve realized is that this moment in life is only temporary…so, I can hold on for another 80 years. Right?
You know how when you’re pregnant and they tell you “Oh! That’s just Mom Brain” and you’re like “oh cute”. Well, what I didn’t realize is that mom brain fluctuates. There are moments when you’re like…”Oh! Wow, I’m thinking so clearly - I can’t wait to make good decisions.” Then there are moments when you’re like, “well, shit. I don’t even know how to form sentences.” I’m sure there is a medical term for it. However, I’m in the “well, shit” phase right now.
For the folks that like examples:
Cannot remember a single thing that I have to do, yet my to do list is growing
I lost my keys (they were rediscovered a few days later in my daughters diaper bag from a week prior)
My stories have taken 15 minutes longer than necessary to tell
I’ve lost my credit card 3 times (yes, yes - you read that correctly)
I’ve triple scheduled myself, like making plans with people on the weekend when I’m 100% going to be out of town
Sent someone a note about the complete opposite of what they were looking for (i.e. they wanted a recipe for chicken noodle soup and I sent them a “how to code” tutorial)
Organization has been thrown out the window (like boxes, cables and chaos all strung about the house)
I literally could go on and on. Mind you, this has all been in the last few months or so. I know - some of you say, get a grip - this is life. Well, my life has never looked like this. It leaves me in panic and anxiety ridden. As each day progresses I begin to be OK with it. But hell - I haven’t written a blog post in over 2 weeks; that alone, tells you how much of a disaster I am. I’ve failed on the people.
The point; you can have it all, but you can also be a mess. You can balance everything, but you can also be living in chaos. I’m not perfect, and quite frankly, I’m still trying to figure it out.
There are days that I kill it at work, but then forget we need a nice warm meal for dinner; so, we have PBJ (at least the PB is warm). There are days when my house is spotless, but I’ve slacked on spending time with baby girl. There are days when I’m a dead beat with my job; but, my heart is fulfilled by playing with baby girl. Now, there is no rhyme or reason for one or the other. I’m not saying that you have to be bad at your job to hang with your child - its just a descriptor.
What I do suggest, is do the things that fulfill you, or things that make your day-to-day easier. For instance:
I will sometimes use grocery delivery if I don’t want to grocery shop
I have a house cleaner come 2 times a month
I will block off some afternoons to pick up baby girl early from daycare
I will block off times to workout (my anti-anxiety medication)
I will online shop for almost everything
I make lists of things that need to get done
As I look around my house and current situation; which is where Christmas has thrown up in the form of green and red bins, my wallet is still missing and my work email keeps pinging, I need to resort back to this list and figure out what I’m doing with my life.
Good luck my friends, stay safe out there