I'm A Selfish Mom
I'm sure I'll either get some backlash or a few virtual high fives; but, with all this social media chaos and conversations with moms - I felt like I needed to share why; I'm in fact, a Selfish Mom.
1. 50/50 - My husband needs to do 50% of the work, we both committed to having a kid, so he will take on 50% of the responsibility. We both work hard and we both are equally as exhausted; he'll man up and do his part and me, mine. We aren't in the 1950's anymore, I will not be in the kitchen making sandwiches, while holding a baby and changing a diaper with my other hand, while he kicks his feet up and drinks scotch. Nope, he will make his own damn sandwich and change the diaper when he's done.
2. Treat-My-Self - I work hard professionally and personally, I think a few hours away from my baby girl is healthy. I'll get a massage, a manicure, pedicure, drink hot coffee, a walk through Target, ALONE. Whatever it is, I want to do, I do it.
3. Boss Lady - Yes, this is something I chose to do, something I don't regret choosing to do when having a baby. Is it a struggle to balance, yes. Do I leave for a few days a week to travel, yes. I take full advantage of staying in a hotel when traveling (i.e. room service, hot coffee, laying in the bed and watching TV). But having a conversation and being knowledgeable about a topic in a thriving industry is exhilarating. I love working and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
4. FitMom - This is not a shock and probably beyond annoying to my avid followers; but, working out gives me sanity and clarity. It also helps with my increasing anxiety (thanks, Motherhood). Do I work out on the weekends, yes. Do I try to plan around nap times, yes. But, that doesn't always work and if the husband has to watch the babe so I can get a workout in, then that is what we have to do.
5. Daycare - Yes, my daughter goes to daycare and I love it. Not only does she get exposure to other kids, she has learned to sleep with lights on and noisy, screaming kids. She has music class and sign language class; all things I could not provide for her should she be at home 24/7. Let's be honest, I would put on Mickey Mouse Club (Hot dog, hot dog, hot diggity-dog) and we'd be watching that. Which, I could imagine would likely teach her a very small portion of life and at the same time melt her brain with other nonsense.
Now, if you made it this far - thank you. I'm not heart-less, I love my husband and my daughter more than I ever thought possible. But, I know myself - this small list above provides me the sanity to be a better mother to my daughter. Am I perfect, no way. Do I get frustrated? Often. But, if I keep to this list above, I can step away, recoup and power through the tough times. This isn't a list to say abandon your kids, this is a list to prove that you can still be an amazing mother and also take care of yourself. Your "selfish" list might be different; but whatever is important to you, do it and not lose yourself in the chaos of motherhood. In the moments where I feel like i'm lost, I bring myself back to this list and will go get a coffee or get that lovely massage; so I don't begin resenting motherhood.
There is NOTHING wrong with sometimes putting yourself first. It's OK. Your kid will grow up and know that self awareness and self love are important and they in turn will treat themselves better because of that. So, you do you, Boo.