One and Done
I keep getting the question “when is the next?” or “doesn’t baby girl need a sibling?”, let me tell you one thing - STOP. People’s questions about my personal life is beyond frustrating, it never ends. I remember this one moment vividly; I was walking back down the aisle, freshly married and what is the first question I got asked….”when are you having kids”. Like bro, I literally just got married. I realize that’s what happened back in the day, but - this is not then.
I’ve always been my own person and wanted to do things when I wanted to do them: i.e. graduated college, got a big girl job and started my career, got into a serious relationship, then got married after 2.5 years of dating, married for 3(ish) years before we had our first kid. I wanted to do things when I felt “ready” and when they made sense for the life I was living. So, for the people that are so curious about what’s next…it might be what you’re currently witnessing…one and done.
As time passes and the pressure begins to overwhelm me, I feel this rush to just get pregnant again and have another kid. But, if I look at the core of it - I’m 100% content with what’s going on now. My life is somewhat manageable; I can spend quality time with baby girl and still have a little “free time” to do the things I want to do. Yes, its hard, parenting is hard. But, I still feel sane most of the time. My career has always been important to me, but not to the extent that I would not be around for my family. I feel that if I had another kid, our entire lives would be in shambles and nothing would ever be accomplished. Again, this is me.
The thought of going through pregnancy, sleep training and the newborn stage stresses me the hell out. I’ve also heard, “well, every pregnancy is different, every kid is different” Sure, that’s great - but there are NO guarantees. Can you guarantee that I’ll have an easy pregnancy and a laid back kid? No. So, do I really want to gamble?
My favorite question as of late…”who will take care of you when you’re old?” Me. Me. Me. I’ve done it my whole life (well, a good majority, the other diaper changing and feeding part goes to my momma) - and plus, I wouldn’t want to torture my kids that much. Plus, I hope I raise baby girl with a big enough heart where she’ll be ok, helping out here and there; especially when I need a diaper change - ok, that will be karma for her. Plus, that’s why I got married - us old farts can take care of each other.
Now, I realize this might seem a bit aggressive. I’m all for you if want to have 1 kid or have 50 kids; its really not my business.
But, as I sit here and write this - I was so confident at the beginning that I only wanted one, like many women; I have since changed my mind 3 different times. I recently read a few blogs about how women know they weren’t “done” having kids, it was the burning feeling they have inside to continue reproducing. Now, I don’t know if I really believe that. I feel like women will always feel this emotion tugging at them, whether they have 1 or 50 kids. If you have the mental and emotional capacity to have more, then I think that is your “burning” desire. For me, I might already be paying for a lifetime subscription for therapy for my daughter (who, I remind you…is 21 months old), and I want to retire at some point, so having more won’t work for my bank account. Kidding. But, really - I love the time I’m spending with baby girl, I love that activities we share, I love the cuddles (because they are rare) and I love watching her grow/learn. Plus, kids really are effin expensive.
So, if I look at my life right now - I’m happy. I’m content. So, why change it? Sure, I plan on leaving the decision up to the Man upstairs; but if you ask me right now, I’m good. One and done