You Are Enough
Often times I get into a deep slump, full of anxiety and stress. I never understood why people said "there is never enough time in a day". I always seemed to manage my time pretty easily. I thought I was an expert multi-tasker. Then...then - I had a baby. Not only did I completely understand that saying; but I fell 100% victim to it. I was trying to do it all, in one single day. Have the house clean, the laundry done, the workout complete, the dinner made and of course all while getting my job done. I couldn't breathe. I was drowning and found myself getting more and more upset with myself. Part of that is sheer genetics and my ODC tendencies. But, a lot of it - well, was the fact that I never thought I was enough, unless I got it all done.
In the current state of the world, we see women trying to do it all and in fact, if anyone can - a woman can. But, I think we try and carry too much of the burden. Yes, in some instances women have to. Being a single parent is something; women (and men), don't get enough credit for. However; I cannot speak from my personal experience on that.
What I do know, is that I've had conversations with men and they've said to me "well, if women would've kept their mouth shut and stayed home, then they wouldn't be bitching about a glass ceiling". Yes, it was a true conversation, with one of my old clients. I was taken back. At that moment, I knew why I had all this pressure to "do it all". It all came to light in that moment. That because women "opened their mouths", we now had to pay for it. Which is complete and utter bullshit. We opened our mouths because we found more efficient ways to get it all done. And to be honest, I'm pretty sure that's why women will one day, kick out the old school boys clubs and run it all. But the impact of that conversation will forever weigh on me. What, are we supposed to stay home, do the laundry, watch the kids and make dinner? Who cares if a women wanted to work as well. But, we shouldn't be punished for it. We also shouldn't be expected to do everything.
Something I established in my relationship was the 50/50 rule. We split the tasks, we both do what we can. Yes, sometimes I take more and sometimes my husband takes more. But, ultimately we share the responsibilities. However, to be honest...I still feel like I need to do it all. Not to mention, that I work from home and that pressure is intensified as I stare at the laundry piling up, the dust bunnies crawling and the food going bad in the fridge.
There are literally weeks that I feel like I can't breathe. That everything is piling up and I'm so overwhelmed from life that I shut down. I have to give myself pep talks to start one task at a time. Being a wife isn't easy. Being a mom isn't easy. Being a career women isn't easy. But somehow, we manage. I manage. I pick myself up and get it done. Are there moments where I cry? Yes. Are there moments when I question what I'm doing? Always.
In those moments, I realize - If I don't get everything accomplished, but I pick up baby girl from school and shower her with kisses - that's enough. If I can fold one load of laundry and nothing else - that's enough. If I can wash one bottle so she has something to drink out of - that's enough. I repeat this in my head daily - I AM ENOUGH. So, tell yourself these things:
If you can only focus on a big project at work - that's enough
If you can only do one load of laundry - that's enough
If you can only go through a drive through for dinner - that's enough
If you can only give your baby/kid a kiss and nothing else - that's enough
You're enough. Whatever you do today, that's enough. Don't beat yourself up, embrace the chaos, enjoy the moment and always love - because; you my friend, are enough.